Want to Save Your Marriage? Top Therapist-Approved Strategies That Actually Work

Marriage on the rocks? Don’t throw in the towel just yet. This comprehensive guide offers research-backed strategies from relationship experts to help you navigate rough patches, rebuild trust, and rediscover the love that brought you together in the first place.

Let’s face it — marriages aren’t always sunshine and rainbows. Even the strongest relationships hit rough patches that can make you wonder if you’ve reached the end of the road. But here’s the thing: most marriages can absolutely be saved with the right approach, dedicated effort, and perhaps a dash of professional guidance. If you’re wondering “Can I save my marriage?” or “Is it even worth trying?” — you’ve landed in the right place.

As a relationship counselor with over 15 years of experience, I’ve witnessed countless couples transform their marriages from the brink of divorce to thriving partnerships. The journey isn’t always easy, but gosh, it’s worth it! This guide will walk you through evidence-based strategies that have helped thousands of couples rekindle their love and build even stronger bonds than they had before.

Understanding the Crisis Point: Why Marriages Falter

Before diving into solutions, let’s take a moment to understand what might’ve brought your marriage to this crossroads. According to research published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, the top reasons couples consider divorce include communication problems, infidelity, financial disagreements, and growing apart over time.

The COVID-19 pandemic added another layer of complexity to marital challenges. A 2022 study from the American Psychological Association found that 43% of married couples reported experiencing increased relationship stress during lockdowns. Living and working in close quarters 24/7 amplified existing issues and created new tensions for many.

Understanding what’s actually happening in your marriage is crucial before attempting to fix it. Are you dealing with:

• Communication breakdown where conversations turn into arguments?
• Trust issues stemming from betrayal or broken promises?
• Emotional disconnection where you feel like roommates rather than lovers?
• Different expectations about major life decisions?
• External stressors like financial hardship or family interference?

Each of these challenges requires specific approaches, but the good news is that they’re all addressable with commitment and the right strategies.

Signs Your Marriage Is Worth Saving

Wondering if you should even bother trying to save your marriage? If you’re reading this article, that’s already a pretty good indication that part of you wants to make it work. But here are some other positive signs that your relationship has healing potential:

Both partners still care enough to be hurt. This might sound counterintuitive, but if you’re both still emotionally invested enough to feel pain about the relationship, there’s something worth salvaging. Complete indifference is actually a much more concerning sign than conflict.

You share core values and life goals. Despite current struggles, if you and your spouse fundamentally want similar things out of life—like family, financial security, or personal growth—you have a solid foundation to rebuild upon.

There are positive memories you can draw upon. If your relationship history includes good times that you both remember fondly, these memories can serve as motivation and a blueprint for what you’re working toward.

The problems are situational rather than character-based. Stressors like job loss, grief, or health issues can strain even the strongest marriages. If your problems emerged or worsened during difficult circumstances, addressing those circumstances can often improve the relationship.

“In my clinical practice, I’ve found that approximately 80% of couples considering divorce can successfully rebuild their marriage if both partners are willing to put in consistent effort,” notes Dr. John Gottman, renowned relationship researcher.

Communication Reset: The Foundation of Marriage Repair

Want to save your marriage? Start by completely overhauling how you talk to each other. Poor communication sits at the heart of most marital problems, and fixing it creates ripple effects throughout the relationship.

Active Listening vs. Defensive Hearing

Let’s be honest—most of us are terrible listeners. Instead of truly hearing our partner, we’re often just waiting for our turn to speak or planning our rebuttal. This defensive stance makes meaningful conversation impossible.

Try this exercise that’s worked wonders for my clients: Before responding to something your partner says, paraphrase their point back to them with “What I hear you saying is…” This simple technique accomplishes two things. First, it forces you to actually process what they’re saying. Second, it gives them the chance to clarify if you’ve misunderstood.

“The biggest communication problem is that we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply,” explains relationship therapist Esther Perel.

The Power of “I” Statements

When discussing sensitive topics, the way you phrase your concerns makes all the difference. Compare these two approaches:

• “You never help around the house. You’re so lazy and inconsiderate.”
• “I feel overwhelmed when I handle all the household chores. I need some help maintaining our home.”

The first approach triggers defensiveness and shuts down productive conversation. The second expresses the same concern but focuses on your feelings rather than attacking your partner’s character. This subtle shift can completely transform your conflict dynamics.

A 2021 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that couples who consistently used “I” statements during conflicts reported 37% higher relationship satisfaction than those who defaulted to blame language.

Rebuilding Trust: The Path Forward After Betrayal

If trust has been broken in your marriage—whether through infidelity, financial deception, or repeatedly broken promises—rebuilding it requires deliberate effort from both partners. Trust isn’t restored through grand gestures but through consistent, transparent actions over time.

For the Partner Who Broke Trust

Transparency is your new best friend. Voluntary openness—sharing information before being asked—demonstrates your commitment to rebuilding what was broken. This might look like:

• Proactively sharing your whereabouts and plans
• Offering access to your phone or accounts (without being defensive)
• Keeping promises consistently, even small ones
• Acknowledging the hurt you’ve caused without defensiveness

“The rebuilding of trust takes time, patience and work. You need to prove through your actions—not just your words—that you can be trusted again,” explains relationship therapist Shirley Glass in her book “Not Just Friends”.

For the Hurt Partner

While the person who broke trust has the primary responsibility for rebuilding it, the hurt partner also plays a role in healing:

• Be clear about what you need to feel secure again
• Acknowledge improvements and efforts (reinforcing positive changes)
• Work on forgiving gradually, without erasing boundaries
• Consider whether certain control measures are healing or punishing

Dr. Brené Brown’s research shows that while vulnerability feels risky, it’s essential for rebuilding connection: “We can’t get to courage without rumbling with vulnerability”.

Rekindling Intimacy: More Than Just Sex

Physical and emotional intimacy often decline together in troubled marriages. Rebuilding this connection requires attention to both dimensions.

Emotional Intimacy First

Before tackling sexual disconnection, focus on rebuilding emotional closeness. Try these approaches:

Daily check-ins: Spend 20 minutes each day sharing highlights, lowlights, and feelings. Make this sacred time without distractions.

Appreciation practice: Share three things you appreciate about your partner daily. This shifts focus from problems to positive qualities.

Vulnerability exchanges: Take turns sharing something personal—a fear, hope, or memory. Start small and gradually increase depth.

A study from The Gottman Institute found that couples who engaged in emotionally intimate conversations for just 20 minutes per day reported significantly higher relationship satisfaction after three weeks.

Physical Reconnection

Once emotional intimacy begins improving, physical connection often follows naturally. However, some intentional approaches can help:

Non-sexual touch: Rebuild physical comfort through hand-holding, hugs, and casual affection without pressure for more.

Scheduled intimacy: While spontaneity is wonderful, relying on it during relationship repair often leads to avoidance. Consider scheduled date nights and intimate time.

Expand your definition of intimacy: Sexual connection encompasses more than intercourse. Explore other forms of physical closeness that feel comfortable for both partners.

“Couples often make the mistake of trying to jumpstart their sex life without addressing the emotional disconnection that led to intimacy problems in the first place,” notes sex therapist Dr. Emily Nagoski.

When to Seek Professional Help to Save Your Marriage

DIY marriage repair has its limits. Professional guidance becomes essential when:

• You keep having the same arguments without resolution
• One or both partners struggle with forgiveness
• Communication attempts consistently escalate into conflict
• Individual issues (like addiction or mental health challenges) complicate the relationship
• You feel stuck despite trying various approaches

Research published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy found that 70% of couples who completed 8-10 sessions of couples therapy reported significant improvement in relationship satisfaction.

Types of Professional Support

Marriage counseling/couples therapy: A trained therapist helps identify destructive patterns and facilitates healthier communication.

Discernment counseling: Specifically designed for couples where one partner is leaning toward divorce while the other wants to preserve the marriage.

Marriage retreats: Intensive experiences that compress months of therapy into a weekend or week.

Individual therapy: Sometimes, personal growth work is needed alongside couples work.

“The average couple waits six years after problems begin before seeking therapy, which is unfortunate because earlier intervention increases success rates substantially,” explains Dr. William Doherty, creator of the Discernment Counseling model.

Creating a Marriage Vision: Building Something Better

Want to save your marriage? Don’t aim to return to how things were—that relationship had problems that led to your current situation. Instead, work together to envision and create something better.

Shared Values Assessment

Set aside time to discuss what matters most to each of you individually and as a couple:

• What core values do you share? (Family, growth, security, adventure, etc.)
• What kind of relationship do you want to model for your children or others?
• What dreams or goals excite you both?

Finding common ground in your values provides motivation during difficult moments in the rebuilding process.

The Relationship Contract

Consider creating an explicit “relationship contract” that outlines:

• How you’ll handle conflict
• Division of responsibilities
• Quality time commitments
• Individual needs and boundaries
• Long-term goals and milestones

“Making these implicit expectations explicit prevents misunderstandings and provides a roadmap for your new relationship dynamic,” suggests relationship coach Diane Sawaya.

FAQs: Want to Save Your Marriage?

How long does it typically take to save a troubled marriage?

While every relationship is different, significant improvement typically requires at least 3-6 months of consistent effort. More serious issues like recovering from infidelity often take 1-2 years for complete healing. The process isn’t linear—expect progress alongside setbacks.

Can one person save a marriage alone?

One motivated partner can certainly improve relationship dynamics by changing their own behavior patterns. This sometimes creates positive ripple effects that inspire the other partner. However, complete relationship transformation ultimately requires both people’s participation. If your spouse isn’t initially receptive, focus on your own growth while gently inviting their participation.

Should we stay together for the kids?

Children benefit from stable, loving homes—not from parents who remain in high-conflict relationships. Research suggests children fare better with divorced parents who cooperate than with married parents in constant conflict. That said, if you can transform your marriage into a healthy partnership, that’s ideal for everyone involved.

How do I know if our marriage is beyond saving?

Warning signs include: persistent emotional or physical abuse, complete unwillingness from one partner to participate in improvement efforts, fundamental incompatibility in core values, or sustained addiction issues without treatment. Safety always comes first—if you’re experiencing abuse, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

Is it normal to fall out of love with my spouse?

Yes, the intense romantic love of early relationships naturally evolves over time. Long-term relationships cycle through periods of connection and disconnection. What many people interpret as “falling out of love” is often a natural transition that requires adapting to a deeper, more mature form of love based on choice and commitment rather than just feelings.

Final Reflections: The Journey Forward

Saving a marriage isn’t about employing a quick fix or magical solution. It’s about embarking on a journey of growth—both individual and shared. The process of rebuilding often leads to something stronger and more authentic than what existed before.

As you move forward, remember:

• Progress isn’t linear—expect both breakthroughs and setbacks
• Small, consistent changes matter more than grand gestures
• The goal isn’t perfection but connection
• Your “new” marriage will (and should) look different from your old one
• Both partners need to practice patience and self-compassion

“Every relationship hits crisis points. What differentiates lasting marriages isn’t an absence of problems but how couples navigate through them together,” writes relationship researcher Dr. Sue Johnson.

If you want to save your marriage, know that the very desire to try is significant. With commitment, appropriate support, and the strategies outlined in this article, many couples find their way back to each other—often discovering a deeper, more authentic connection than they had before.